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You are getting married. Everything is wonderful. Everyone is happy. But where’s the fairy godmother with the magic wand? There doesn’t seem to be one around does there? Your problems have begun; it’s going to have to be organized. The first problem is when and where the happy day will occur, and who else is going to be in attendance. The latter of which leads inevitably to the potential minefield of wedding invitation etiquette.
Every rose has its’ thorns, and, like a thorn, a mistake here might be the cause of a grimace of pain, a sharp intake of breath, and even the drawing of blood. Of course all this can be avoided by simply deciding that the ceremony will be a casual backyard affair with close family and a few best friends in shirts and blue jeans notified by phone a few days before. But do you really think you can get away with that easily? Oh no. Moms and Aunts are not going to tolerate that. This is your big day, and it will proceed as such things are meant to proceed. No phone calls or emails allowed this time, it’s much more than a weekend barbecue you know. This is your wedding for goodness sake; and a wedding must be announced. With attendant fanfare.
So, just who to invite in the first place?
Well everyone must be there, or must they? Are you sure about that, after all, you know you actually don’t like all your extended family, and some of your partner’s friends and relatives will absolutely not be welcome. There’s a tricky one over your own pals as well isn’t there? A few are certainly deserving for past shows of loyalty and they’ll get all the best seats. Others will have to be there you suppose, but shoved in at the rear. So after protracted and somewhat tense negotiations, a consensus is agreed upon and it’s time to act! Wedding invitation wording is important.
The immediate thing to do is to decide whether children will be permitted. If not, then since it is socially improper to state that ‘no children are allowed’ on your invite, you must remember to contact those with child after they have replied to inform them of this tactfully. If you decide they can come, then, since your invitations are going to be formal, then they will have to receive their own. Titles: Messrs. for boys. Misses. for girls. Or, it is an acceptable alternative according to some authorities on the subject, to send a joint invitation for the family, as long as the children are individually named in full after their parents and listed by age (descending order thereof, eldest first). Not knowing middle names is awkward though, as, for adults also, initials are not permitted, and should therefore left out if not confirmed.
The titles for adults are easy but if using them for a married couple, the man’s should be first. Unless you prefer to stick with names, then the wife’s name shall precede, thereby allowing the husband’s first and sir names to be together. E.g. Mr. And Mrs. John Jones, or; Jane and John Jones. Semi-formality would allow: The Jones Family, or: The Joneses. But mind those plurals! Apostrophes must not be used on proper names in an invitation.
As well as names you will have to deal with dates and times. All numbers to be set out in writing for the formal invitation, not so for the informal. I.e. Monday the Seventeenth of September, as opposed to: Mon Sept 17. For the purpose of kindness and to avoid mayhem, it is always best to check with the calendar at this juncture, lest Sept 17 should happenstance fall on a Tuesday. ‘I thought you meant’ etc. you know the rest. Time of the day is also not to be forgotten obviously and put down as: ‘Three Thirty in the Afternoon’, or the brief ‘3pm’ for the informal. ‘Seven O’clock in the Evening’ or ‘7pm’, for example. The year can also be added if so wished, following the same rules.
If dress attire is at issue for you, then only state it if encouraging informality. For black tie or tops-and-tails the event format should be regarded as a clue to the recipient. Another faux pas is to mention gifts, please refrain from asking for them as this may cause embarrassment and or resentment. Any presents for the happy couple must be offered and given freely, not under obligation or duress.
The next thing to consider is how to inform your chosen guests of where the vows shall be exchanged. A small map card of the locality with easy to understand directions can be considered, as well as a suggestion of hotel. If used however, this should not be made to look more important than the invitation itself, which must always be viewed first when the containing envelope is opened. This map card (also known as the info card) and others such as a reply or response card, reply or response envelope, place card (known as the pew card if the wedding is to be held in a church), and menu and ceremony cards are jointly known as the wedding ensemble. Any or all can accompany the invitation in the outer envelope, but as stated previously the invitation should take precedence, be on top of it’s companions, written side facing outwards, (towards the back of it’s envelope as it is opened) and the correct way up.
This ensemble is a relatively recent addition. Traditionally the invitation was alone, and placed folded into a small, inner envelope with the folded edge down, and then put into the larger outer envelope for posting. This is still perfectly allowable and should be replied to with a hand-written note to properly relive the past. Nowadays though, a reply is usually included and you should consider clearly printing the return address yourself to avoid them getting lost in the mail. A correctly priced and attached stamp is also a convenient option, for lessening chances of confusion at a later date.
Black ink throughout the ensemble is the first choice, failing that, then blue or blue-black is normal. Calligraphy ink is attractive and looks expensive, although is often easy to smudge, so a good idea is to place tissue paper between cards. Layout of the invitation should not include any punctuation marks at ends of lines but these can be used within them, and if using longhand to personalize, always check that your writing is straight and neat. Never forget this for the invitation will be responsible for the first impression your guests will have of the wedding itself. It will set the tone so make sure it sets the right one for you. Punchy and exciting must not stray into the use of juvenile phrases and the refined feel should never appear to be pompous.
The style of the invitations can also be a difficult choice, and one that is more important to some than to others. One company producing them lists the following options: Appliqué. Classic. Contemporary. Embossed. Floral. Layered. Affordable. Religious. Watercolor, and Discount. Which you have depends on personal taste, as does which color the envelope should be, and whether or not it has a lining. Try to order around 4 months before the event. This leaves plenty of time for a change of mind (about the invitations, not the wedding)!
When you have them all done and are ready to send, note that if the ensemble cards are not all uniform in size then the largest should be next to the invitation. However, there is some conflict of advice here, as some who are in the know insist that the reply envelope and then the reply card are second in rank, regardless of dimension.
The timing of the wedding invitation is paramount. If it arrives too early then it may blunt the initial effect on the reader. Conversely; too late, and panic may follow. You want impact yes, but not to deliver a smack in the face to your potential guest. Mailing between 4-8 weeks before the chosen date is generally considered advisable.
Now don’t get scared, before you seal them up and post them off, take your time on a final check. In addition, try getting someone whose opinion you value to proofread for you. It is worth it, this is pointing to your wedding after all, and when that day comes around, then, as an unknown author once wrote in this simple but beautiful verse:
From this day forward, You shall not walk alone. My heart will be your shelter, And my arms will be your home.
It’ll all be worth it!
About The Author
Matt Jacks is a successful freelance writer providing tips and advice for consumers purchasing titanium wedding rings, wedding shower invitations and wedding gowns discount. His numerous articles offer moneysaving tips and valuable insight on typically confusing topics.
© Copyright 2007 by
Matt Jacks
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